Scrambling, Mumbling and Juggling

Appen what?????

2010-07-07T20:04:00.000-07:00

So the day before I start my vacation, actually about 45 minutes before my "stay cation" starts - I go to urgent care due to a two day stomach ache that was getting increasingly more painful - two x-rays, two pregnancy tests (guess you can never be too cautious) and two hours later (I am seeing a pattern here!) I am stopping at home and picking up my husband to head to the ER for a cat scan. The concern is that the pain I have been feeling is my appendix..........what????

SO....fast forward three hours, another pregnancy test (seriously this is getting ridiculous now - do you really think I conceived between urgent care and ER?? "Yes Dr. - before heading to ER for my cat scan my husband and I had a quickie, so I guess there is a possibility that I could be pregnant.....")cat scan complete and another exam by the surgeon it is determined that yes there is inflammation around my appendix which warrants a laproscopy - whether it is the appendix or not they will take it out and he will take a look around to make sure everything else is OK.....well gee why not, I mean I really had nothing else planned for this week, why not surgery.....So at 10:00 on July 1 I am headed to the OR and none to happy about it, not to mention that I have yet to have any pain meds for the increasing pain which is the reason I went to the Dr in the first place!!!!!!

Midnight rolls around and I am finally in my accommodations for the evening, minus a useless organ and a larger than golf ball cyst found on my ovary while they were exploring my insides....they are not sure if it truly was my appendix causing all the pain or the combination of both so to err on the side of caution they took them both out!!!! I am wondering if I get the two for one deal...I mean really, if you are doing a procedure to remove one organ and discover something else while they are already in there should I really be charged for that......They should talk to Walmart, maybe they could come up with some roll back price for a situation like that, I can't be the first person it happened to.....

So I am sore, but I now have some AWESOME IV drugs - but I am also on the IV drip that they give everyone and I need to get up to go pee.....and after the first time I am up every 45 minutes using the facilities......ridiculous!!! Not to mention I have to keep calling the nurse to help me because one; I am in no shape to be getting out of bed without assistance and two; I have to (actually the nurse has too) unplug from the wall, remove myself from the blood pressure machine and remove the blood clot cuffs they have on each leg. Then after I am done they have to put all that stuff back on me (blood clot cuffs on each leg, blood pressure machine) and plug me back in. This happened at least 4 times...to the point I was embarrassed and apologizing each time the nurse had to come in and help me, the final time I did not get back in bed but opted for the chair and I sat there till morning, never sleeping a lick.

Morning rolls around and my friend stops by, my Dad and his wife stop by and my sister comes to sit vigil with me till I am released which we all think will be late morning.....Jeremy comes by with the kids and we make plans for them for the day so Jeremy can go to work and I sit and wait for the surgeon to make his rounds so I can go home, and low and behold my surgeons office calls my cell to set up my follow up appt - they don't waste anytime - I am kinda caught off guard as I tell the receptionist wanting to set up the appt that I am still in the hospital and haven't even scene the Dr yet - to which she advises that he has gone on vacation and someone else will be doing his rounds for him and my appt is on July 20 and she will see me then.............well OK then.

So we sit......and we sit...and then we walk......and then we sit some more.......

Now I am getting antsy and grouchy, and the drugs are wearing off, so I call the nurse to get more meds and then low and behold my surgeon walks in......we have a quick recap of the previous nights festivities and he then advises as soon as I eat lunch he will discharge me. SO I order lunch....a wonderful array of full liquid entrees including cream of wheat, tapioca pudding and an orange sherbet milkshake....yum, yum!!!! OK so I eat now I want to leave, and I still don't have my pain meds....the time is now 12 on July 2nd.

So we sit.....and we sit....and then we walk...and then we see my surgeons physicians asst in the hall and he asks, "Why are you still here?", to which I respond, "Just waiting to be discharged.."
To which he responds, "I thought they already discharged you??" To which I am thinking in my head....." You're right, they did but I just can't get enough of this place!!!!"

So finally at about 3:30 I am on my way out....and I finally get my pain meds!!!!!!

Hear I sit, still not sleeping much...and I will never take a stay cation again!!!!!!

Simplicity - friend or foe

2010-06-08T16:24:00.000-07:00

It is hard to believe that I have not attempted any kind of blog post for a better part of a year! Actually......that is a total lie....I can believe it! It is one of those things that is soooo at the bottom of the list!! And the list continues to grow! I keep hanging on for the end of A and B's school year, imagining that the schedule will not be as booked and life will be easy peasy....boy am I delusional!!!!

Today I was scheduling swim lessons for A - Daily, for two weeks, 50 minutes a day, in the middle of the day...where is the easy as pie in that scheduling nightmare!

And then of course there is the dilemma of summer day care. Right now I have both children signed up for two different daycare facilities........my thought process was to split A and B up so they can have some individual time with their own friends, sometimes I feel that they are together soooo much that it adds to the sibling rivalry! But, now that I have them signed up at both places I am finding it difficult to decide the when and where of their weekly schedules!!!!

Why does it seem that we continually add to our lists...which then makes us insane as we are constantly deciphering these long lists!!!! I now know why I love Little House on the Prairie (it is true, I still watch the re-runs)! I long for the simplicity..............

Where in the world is Robyn Rakoniewski???

2009-07-07T13:32:00.000-07:00

I think there comes a time in everyone's life (maybe even more than once..) that you feel as if you are lost. Of course maybe it is just me but I doubt it. The other day I posted what was on my mind on my facebook page and it went something like this - "this is what my inner person looks like, hair standing straight on end from all sides of my head, eyes bulging, hands choking an imaginary persons neck screaming at the top of my lungs". And truly that is how I feel -my skin crawls, I lose focus easily and I do not feel like me anymore. I am B & A's mom, J's wife, HB employee and co-worker, my dreams lack luster, and my greatest motivation these days is to make it through the day so I can go back to bed. I need a vacation from life - by myself! I am questioning everything - my marriage, my parenting, my job, friendships, health, everything!!!!!
What is a girl to do?????????

Ask and you shall receive!!!

2008-12-17T00:27:00.000-08:00

It has been brought to my attention that my blog has been seriously neglected!!! I know, I know - several thoughts come to mind; Lack of dedication, not following through with something I started, or just too damn busy! Whatever my excuse it is inexcusable!!! SO.....the latest updates.

I have not followed through with my ode to the Shred - December 1 has come and gone and I have not tried it yet. Ashley tried to entice me by throwing out a challenge - but to no avail. You see she has not stuck with it either so whats the point.....maybe January 1 will be a good day. I have to do something because I have signed up for a 5k in May and I think I have agreed to do a half marathon with my sister. I am in deep trouble if I do not get my butt in gear. I lack some serious motivation when it comes to working out - there are not enough hours in the day!!! And by the time I get home and take care of kid, husband and life stuff I am just too damn tired - but I suppose if I did it I would have more energy so that is a lame excuse as well. There is no winning this battle!

The kids have had their appointments with the psychologist for their ADHD testing - As far as A is concerned I am not sure what the diagnosis will be, B on the other hand was described as "if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it is a duck." SO although he did not come out and say it - it sounds like Brenden will be diagnosed with ADD & ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) - we meet with the doctor on 12/22/08 for the "What Now" Meeting so we are anxiously waiting. The point I was at last week I was ready for the drugs - I did not want to go into this next meeting and have him tell me that he wants us to try some behavior modification tactics and reconvene in 8 weeks to determine where to go from there - just give me the meds and be done with it. Now I am not so sure!!

And what is up with Christmas this year - usually at this stage of the game everyone is bought for and all the Santa gifts are wrapped hidden in my closet. This year I only have one child started and have no idea what to get for B. I am finding that 9 year olds are very difficult to buy for. I take that back - he has given me several ideas but all of them are very expensive and do not fit within the Christmas budget. It looks like at this point Christmas shopping will not be done till December 22 or 23 and this is very disconcerting for me - maybe that is why I am up at 3 in the morning.

This week is a busy one - I am on vacation next week and I am trying to clear my work load and any bombs on my desk so nothing disastrous will happen while I am away. Working in the insurance business is very busy and extremely stressful. But I thrive on that so it will all work out.

SO....now I think I am all caught up. I ranted and raved a bit but thats how I roll.

I do want to close with one thing - I just want to say I have the best family ever. I am talking about my father, brother and sister!!! I would not know what to do if I did not have my weekly, most times daily conversations with them and appreciate all their candor, love, support and friendship. Thanks guys!!!!! (This is a test to see if you really all read this) LOL - just kidding!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

2008-11-27T17:50:00.000-08:00

My tummy is full - too full! Thanks to the wonderful dinner provided by my Dad and Sue. The brussel sprouts were fantastic (I love brussel sprouts - usually there is a fight between my Dad, sister and I over the last few but this year there were plenty.

It was a pleasant afternoon!

SO....what do I have to be Thankful for - this is my top 10 list in no particular order:

1. To have a job
2. Healthy and Happy kids
3. A wonderful, loving, yet sometime ornery, stubborn husband
4. My own house
5. A Car
6. My health
7. A great yet most times crazy family
8. Ellie and Lucy
9. A great community
10. Food on the table

Here is hoping that everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and can at least think of one thing to be Thankful for!!!!!

TGIF - even if the weather is crap!!!!

2008-11-21T16:01:00.001-08:00

I think I have made it abundantly clear how I feel about snow - but with snow brings lousy roads - and with lousy roads comes the insane drivers - and with the insane drivers comes my increasing blood pressure.......need I go on.

But still - it is Friday, I made it home from work under half an hours time, I am drinking a beer and getting ready to play an online hidden object game (my absolute favorite!). And to top it all off I have a cherry pie cooking in the oven (store bought of course). All in all not bad for a Friday!!!!

The Shred is Dead!!!!

2008-11-20T16:31:00.001-08:00

Ashley 3
Robyn 0

Sad but true - Ashley is kicking my ass and has no shame when she reminds me about every day!!! But still it has not motivated me.

I am in a stupor of sorts lately and my only motivation is BEER! Now don't get all worried or concerned - I have everything under control - just need a little liquid sedative to make the world go away! I have big shoulders and a big personality to boot and things will get back to normal here shortly, whatever normal is!

Actually when I went to the Doctors today she actually told me a drink or two is not a bad idea considering my stress level lately. She also told me I need to exercise and change my eating habits DRASTICALLY!!! Not because I am overweight (really I sort of am) but because it too would help regulate my stress and my bodies reaction to it! Things are not regulating well lately if you know what I mean..........

Now about the Shred - to be honest I am scared shit less of Jillian. Which is comical really - because I don't even know her nor would she know me. But there is a part in the DVD (actually several parts - this means I have watched it but have not participated) where she threatens you saying things like, "This is a 20 minute workout you do not get a break" and then during the jumping jack segment, "I have 400lb people that do jumping jacks so you do not have an excuse not to do them". Well............for all she knows I could be 450lbs. Does that mean I still have to do them. (I am not 450LBS!!!!!!) So I guess my biggest fear is that I won't last 20 minutes - and in the state I am in right now, failing would not be beneficial to my mental health :)

I always have problems setting goals for myself with start dates that are within the month - to me 1 is a great place to start. So......I am leaving the 30 Day Shred on the shelf until December 1 and then I am the one who will be doing the ass kicking!!!!!!!!

To Be ADHD or not to be?? What is the diagnosis......

2008-11-19T16:25:00.000-08:00

Anyone who knows me and knows me well - has heard the drama stories and tales of my children's antics, arguments, and milestones as well as my sometimes ridiculous and sarcastic responses, retaliations, and meltdowns.

I have two children, ages 6 and 9. My husband and I adopted our children at the ages of 2 and 4 coming from a neglectful and possibly, highly likely abusive home. After years of trying to have children biologically and not succeeding we decided to pursue adoption through foster care and were blessed to be matched with A & B.

Now imagine being at work one day, life as normal as it always is and you receive a call letting you know that two children, ages 2 and 4 have become available and will be at your house in three hours. Now continue to imagine that although you knew that this day could possibly come there is no way to prepare because you never know what you will get as far as age, gender, clothes sizes, likes/dislikes, or physical/mental condition. Stretch that imagination a little further.....oh just forget it- it is unimaginable. To this day I still cannot tell you exactly how I reacted - my co-workers probably could but myself I was numb. I do remember going shopping and aimlessly picking things off the shelves and walking out of Kmart spending an ungodly amount of money on god knows what, I do remember calling my dad, mother in law, mother, brothers and sisters enlisting their help to be at my house when they arrived because what the hell was I going to do....And I definitely remember them arriving - this beautiful, little, girl with the biggest brown eyes you ever did see; and her brother who was shy, handsome and had piercing crystal blue eyes that I was immediately jealous of.

So what does any of this have to do with the title??? Well - although it has been the best of times since they have come into our lives it has also been the worst of times. I feel awful saying that - knock it up to inexperience, overly sensitive parents, poor parenting skills, lack of patience, lack of discipline - whatever makes you feel better about me saying that. Fact of the matter is it has been a hard road.

SO - flash forward four years of ineffective discipline, arguments, school years filled with constant nagging about homework, disrespectful and inappropriate behavior, schools calling regarding lack of participation, stubbornness, noise making, constant interruptions and the famous last words -"I forgot".

Today both B & A had their annual well child physicals and much to my dismay my pediatrician refers me to a psychologist to have not one, but both of my children tested for ADHD. My reaction is one of relief and horror.

Relief - Well, maybe it isn't all our poor parenting! And what drug can I give my kid to fix it?????

Horror - What the hell is going on?? And I am not medicating my kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then to top it off when mentioned to a couple people their reactions were not very supportive - I mean seriously these people know me - do they really think I am not going to question the psychologist to death before I even consider giving my child medication - I mean for god sake, their chicken pox vaccines today were researched to the hilt before I ok'd the injection!!!!!

Regardless - tomorrow I will make the appointments and we will go from there. Keep your fingers crossed for good news - right now I am not sure what that even is!!!!!

30 Day Shred - I Dread

2008-11-18T17:39:00.000-08:00

SO - if you haven't already heard, the new it workout video is "30 Day Shred", compliments of Jillian Micheals - of Biggest Loser Fame! I heard about it from my friend Ashley (more to follow on that) and proceeded to go out and by it. That was about two weeks ago and it sits in my cupboard with the rest of my abandoned ambitions for a leaner, toned and healthier me. Now Ashley has bought it and as of yesterday began her 30 day countdown.

A little background on Ashley and I. Her and I became friends about 4 years ago when she hired me (along with the rest of the board - you know who you are - it was a very estrogen filled interview room), anyway I digress. Her life and mine are so similar it is eerie! From our kids, to our husbands, to our personalities. Which leads me to my new dilemma - Ashley and I are extremely competitive - and while my competitive streak carries through to everything I do - with Ashley it is intensified ten fold!!! Which essentially means I have to get my ass up at 5:30AM to work out and somehow hope she skips a couple days in the next 30 so I can say I did it and she didn't!!! Ahhhh - sweet, painful, miserable, backbreaking, muscle aching VICTORY!!!!!

Stay posted - I am sure I will have lots to discuss tomorrow if I can even type after Jillian kicks my ass!!!!!

A New Day

2008-11-17T11:29:00.000-08:00

So I am up and running - not literally. Actually I am lying in bed - the furthest from running - but my blog is up and running. My goals for this new adventure - and those that know me well know I love new adventures - is to use this as a journal, a safety net, a stress reliever!! My second goal is to keep up with the first goal - I am great at starting things, not so great at continuing when it looses its appeal or shock value.........

Another hot topic of the day - SNOW!!! Not much there but enough to make its mark - the mark of cold, blistery months to come. Today is the day every year when I question why exactly we live here??? Why do I endure the treacherous roads, slushy sidewalks, screaming matches with my children as to why they must wear hats and gloves??? It is not that we are outdoor adventurers, (scratch that - I am not an outdoor adventurer) we do not own snowmobiles, skis or even skates for goodness sake. What we own are a couple old shanties and some tip-ups and fishing poles. And boing - a lighbulb goes off - that is right, I fell in love with grizzly adams, redneck of all rednecks, my husband - Jeremy!!!! That is why I put up with it - because life would not be the same if we didn't live in Northern Michigan - the four seasons; mushroom season, bird season, deer season and ice fishing season!

But in all seriousness - as much as I complain, there is something about the first freshly fallen snow - how clean it all is, how fresh it all looks, how beautiful and perfect everything looks; so perfect I decided to stay home from work, lazy in bed and start a blog....................